CONFESSION: I had a dream where I was at some convention watching David Gaider formally announce Chef Gordon Ramsey as the voice of the male Inquisitor for the next game
"This stew is so bad even a Fereldan wouldn’t eat it!"
"You put so many peppers in this, fucking Javaris wants your recipe!"
"That steak is perfectly cooked…FOR BLOOD MAGIC!!!"
"This soup is colder than winter at Ostagar."
"This steak is so burnt that the Chantry’s building statues of it."
"The seasoning is so dull I thought it was one of the Tranquil."
“Have you put deathroot in this?”
"This quail is so bloody; is that Arl Howe in the kitchen?"
"These noodles are as greasy and slippery as a merchant-born."
"This kitchen is so filthy, Oghren wouldn’t go near it."
"This meat is so dull and gray I thought I was back in Denerim."
"This dragonsteak is burnt.”
"This quail is so raw, Shale’s still trying to stomp it!"
"This dish is as cold as Winter’s Breath!"
"Andraste’s Ashes couldn’t save this fucking dish!"
"Did you let fucking Alistair cook this for you?!"
"This dish would be perfect, if you served it to a Tevinter Magister!"
"Even the demons of gluttony wouldn’t touch this!"
"Even Varic couldn’t bullshit enough to make this meal appealing!"
"This dish is so tainted, the fucking Wardens can sense it!"
"This dish is bloodier than Highever Castle!"
"Morrigan actually approves of this poison you’ve made!"
"Alrik wouldn’t even serve this to a Mage!"
"Did Anders help you collect this shit?!"
"Congratulations! The Templars are trying to annul the God damn kitchen after this disaster!"
Don’t usually reblog confessions but the responses to this really made me laugh. :)